I think when you think of what you can and cannot wear, factors like age and religion and even body type seem debilitating when they aren't really like that at all. One should dress how they please no matter their age, because expression has no limit. One should dress how they please no matter their religion, because modesty is not a barrier or an obstacle. Modesty is a lifestyle and those who choose to dress modestly shouldn't feel burdened by it. And of course one should never feel like their body type is something that stops them from dressing as they please. We've been conditioned to find all of these factors as obstacles in our personal growth and fashion choices, when they shouldn't be. Rather these factors are merely components of our identity and they should be praised and incorporated into our lifestyles. Yes, for a period of time we'll be uncomfortable but in all honesty the person that judges you the most is yourself.
These two photos are when I first realized I could become one with the flowers. I remember on the day I took the photo on the bottom somebody asked me if I had gained weight, something I was very sensitive about at the time.
I think what impacted me the most to feel this way was a buzzfeed article and video I read (found here) where this woman, Kristin, dressed so her belly was obviously seen in her clothing. For someone like myself, I had grown up as a pretty skinny kid. Then, upon my entrance of high school, I started getting bigger and bigger. It was a combination of unhealthy eating habits and stress that instigated this weight gain on my part. Since my beginning year of high school to my final year of high school I have gained nearly 60 pounds. Yikes. I know that going from 130 pounds to approximately 190 pounds seems like a lot. But, in all honesty I didn't really feel it. Or rather, I chose to ignore how my pants no longer fit me. How my shirts shrunk on my body. How uncomfortably large my stomach was becoming. It was only now, at this point in my youth that I realized I really gained weight. What was one a flat expanse of stomach that would hint at craters of ribs and hills of vertebrate soon became something softer. My stomach began to protrude, and my thighs began to grow larger and larger. All the features of my body that I had once identified myself with disappeared. And in all honesty, I don't dislike my body as it is now. Yes, I went from a size 8 to a size 12 to a size 16 and from a medium to a large or even x-large. But those changes didn't define me. For a period I was uncomfortable in my body, always striving to hide the fact that I was getting larger and more uncomfortable in my skin.
What caused me to change was seeing my sister. Unlike myself, she has struggled with her weight all of her life, and while I found her body to be charming I noticed how she was trained to hide it. Visible belly lines, especially belly buttons were a big no no. Clothing I thought looked nice on her would often be rejected by my parents because it was too tight, because a hint of her belly seemed to appear from the folds of the clothing. Watching my sister made me realize if I didn't begin to accept my body for what it is, then she may never. All her life she was told to attain a body closer to mine (even though I ate a lot worse than she did), and now that our bodies were becoming similar I wanted her to feel acceptance in her body. I didn't want her to feel isolated from her own skin. And to begin that journey, I knew I had to accept my new skin as well. I had to recognize my stretch marks for what they were. I had to accept my ebbing belly for what it was. I had to recognize my newly minted size 12 for what it was. I had to recognize these aspects of my body as me. I think people are most shocked when they find out that I weight 190 pounds because I don't show it". Rather than not showing it, I think I learned how to accept it and dress for it. Something that I personally took a long time to realize is that we are constantly so caught up on the size of our clothes or the way we think we should look. If you think you are in between sizes, try something new. Try a size larger, try a different size. Just try something new. Expand the boundaries you put on your sense of fashion, because in all honesty nobody really cares. All the people who stare at me because of my hijab or penchant for flower crowns better get used to seeing me, because this is who I am, and I'm not about to disappear. And I hope, in your case you embrace your inner self and challenge others to dare to see you disappear.
In these two photos I have finally become one with myself and one with the flowers. The acceptance of your body whether at 160 pounds (the bottom) or 190 pounds (the top) doesn't come with the number. It comes from forgiving yourself for not being perfect. From giving yourself leeway on being you, no matter who that is in that moment in time.
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